Becoming a mom to my adult children - why it is the best phase yet

22 years as a mom and no other mom told me any of this..

If you prefer to listen over reading, I got you 👇🏻

When my 3 children were babies and toddlers, it was hard. Physically exhausting, learning how to be a mom, not sure how to take care of myself at the same time. Marriage strains within all the chaos.

And women in their 50s and beyond would all say the same thing to me.

“Enjoy it while it lasts. You are going to miss this.”

“They are going to grow up so fast, enjoy it now.”

“Just wait till they are teenagers - you will miss this age.”

‘You only get 18 summers with them, so enjoy it while you can.”

Every single one.

And it created this belief that the baby, toddler, preschooler years were the best times in the life of being a mom and that the middle school, high school, college and adult years would never be as good as when they were little.

This is NOT true.

At least this has not been my experience and I feel this need to share it.

I have loved all the stages and phases with my three children. But in all absolute honesty, I believe it keeps getting better and better.

I am now 51 with 22, 20 and 12 years old children.

I am just absolutely in love with them.

I am in awe of them, watching them become adults. Fascinated by their choices, their intelligence, drive, and goals.

I love watching them with their friends, and girlfriends/boyfriends.

My pride literally is bursting at the seams.

I cherish every single moment with them. And I am massively intentional about creating as many of those moments as I can.

Family vacations, dinners, sporting events, and celebrations are always on the calendar.

We just bought a beach house in the most insane place I ever thought I would buy a beach house - Queens, NY. Why? Because my daughter is living and working in NYC - and will most likely be there for at least a decade.

My 20 year old son graduates next year and all signs point to living in New York state.

And I want to spend summers with my 12 year old at the beach.

All that advice I got on enjoying them while they are young?

No one, not one, ever said to me, “oh, just wait - it keeps getting better and better.”

NO ONE.

It is quite shocking to me if I am honest.

So why do I feel this way and why is this my lived experience?

It is about being wildly intentional. I am not yearning for them to be younger and babies again. I am fully living in the present while also intentionally visioning what I want the future to look like.

I call them future memories. I have goals and dreams about my relationship with my adult children. But the only piece I can control is ME.

I am sharing this because when I watch a young, tired mom, juggling a baby and a toddler, I tell her “oh they are so cute. Just wait, it keeps getting better and better.” Something in her relaxes and she always says “really? That is so great to know!”

Last thing I want to share on this for now is that I do I believe there is a major contributing factor to my experience.

Had I stayed at IBM, unhappy in my work, with major expectations on my children for my happiness, I don’t think I would be in this place.

But because I left that unfulfilling career to pursue my own business and deepen my purpose driven work in the world, the onus of my happiness was no longer dependent on my children.

I am happy and fulfilled in my own life. I truly believe this enables me to be so present, in awe, in love with my adult children for just being themselves.

Let me know if this topic resonates and if you want to hear more about tips, strategies and intentional choices becoming a mom to adult children.

In every phase of my life, I always say - “I am new here!” Navigating this next phase isn’t something we should all do alone.

I see you, midlife mama of adult kids. xo

Julie

Author, 50 Not Finished 📕